Our Hotwives

Sexilexi wrote: ↑

Sat Apr 04, 2020 4:06 am

I guess I do have a question:

Humans naturally will bicker and argue and get in “fights”. Have you three ever gotten in a “fight” or have they? I know everyone handles “fights” differently, but if y’all have, how did you handle it all? Thanks!!

Hey Lexi...Another Great question! And an important one because the interaction between all involved in this lifestyle is more than just the physical sex. Mainly it's the emotional interactions that matter the most, and are harder to describe because each person has a different personality and have different emotional reactions. So I'll try to answer your question as succinctly as I can here in this forum...

Honestly I think age and life experience plays a major role in how all 3 interact with each other. I say that because generally speaking, as we get older we learn what things are not important enough to fight over, and also what things are important enough that compromise is better than fighting.
While all of our personalities are different...(I grew up an only child and didn't have brothers and sisters to fight with, Juli did have brothers and sisters so her personality has been more "vibrant" :-)...still age does mellow us, and we have moved beyond the typical fighting that usually happens in a younger marriage.

So I believe now more than ever that a polyamorous lifestyle is easier for an older throuple. Of course it's not impossible for a younger couple, it's just that emotions typically are more raw and the risk to the marriage can be potentially greater. Not as much for a long term marriage.

It's important for all individuals involved in a poly relationship to understand and accept their roles. To be willing to show a desire for the other's needs and more than our own. The husband and lover especially must put the needs of the wife first. And to accept and stay within certain boundaries so as not to threaten the delicate emotional balance that takes months or years to build.

So to sum up...your question is one that is not often asked but should be. And my answer may not have been articulated well enough to make sense, but I truly believe that because sex between 2, 3 or more people is such an emotionally intense relationship, the effort to be understanding of the needs of the wife, and the needs of the husband and lover as well...becomes imperative. To compromise, submit to our own roles, discard any urges of jealousy...and most of all to love in a way that the men naturally desire the best for the wife. And if the husband and lover both put the wife first...she will naturally fulfill the men's needs...which let's face it, are generally pretty superficial :-)

Mark

Hello Mark. How are Juli and Brian coping with the current health crisis? Do they interact on Skype/FaceTime? How difficult is it for them to handle the the sexual tension that must be building if they are physically apart? Thanks, in advance, for for any response.

In our location we can do very limited travel but Brian, Juli and I have been symptom free the whole time, and Brian lives close enough to us that Juli was able to be with him a couple of times since this began. So while they do prefer more regular visits, they have coped as best they can under the circumstances. And they do otherwise communicate regularly by FaceTime.

So to sum up...your question is one that is not often asked but should be. And my answer may not have been articulated well enough to make sense, but I truly believe that because sex between 2, 3 or more people is such an emotionally intense relationship, the effort to be understanding of the needs of the wife, and the needs of the husband and lover as well...becomes imperative. To compromise, submit to our own roles, discard any urges of jealousy...and most of all to love in a way that the men naturally desire the best for the wife. And if the husband and lover both put the wife first...she will naturally fulfill the men's needs...which let's face it, are generally pretty superficial :-)

Much of this is female-centric, and if we remember that fundamental, then the rest of the details of our relations fall into place much easier. Your statement is quote worthy, and should be etched in granite or bronze.

First let me say how much we enjoy your posts, we have watched you and Juli from the beginning and felt the emotions she has had and how you and Brian have adapted. Most enjoyable, so thanks.
Did you consider having Brian move in with you during quaranteen? As you have all been well, it would have been a good test of how things could work with a definite end point if it all went pear shaped. Juli could have been the central character and the one with control, she could decide who is where and for what.

malnik wrote: ↑

Thu Apr 30, 2020 12:30 pm

First let me say how much we enjoy your posts, we have watched you and Juli from the beginning and felt the emotions she has had and how you and Brian have adapted. Most enjoyable, so thanks.
Did you consider having Brian move in with you during quaranteen? As you have all been well, it would have been a good test of how things could work with a definite end point if it all went pear shaped. Juli could have been the central character and the one with control, she could decide who is where and for what.

Hi Mainik....Thank you much for your message.
Actually I would very much be amenable to Brian living with us during this time, just as you suggest. And I know Brian would be very open to doing this as well.

However Juli has been and still remains more guarded than Brian or I, so she would not approve of such an intense uptick in the relationship that having her lover living with us would bring. And although Brian and I as typical men, would consider a live-in lover to be a very erotic experience, Juli is probably right in her thinking. The reason this 3-way relationship has worked so well for 4 years, is because we have kept our respective relationships somewhat separate and thus viable.

So rather than upset the delicate balance that we have so far somehow achieved, I know we will continue to keep the meetings between Juli and Brian limited. I will say that they have been able to meet fairly regularly even during this time. Private intimate meetings between physically well sex partners is so akin to a husband and wife being together, that we have seen little to no change in our relationship with Brian.

But to your point....I agree it would be nice to have Brian live with us for a while...but I don't expect that we will actually cross that particular line.

Best,

Mark

co-husband wrote: ↑

Sat May 02, 2020 6:35 am

malnik wrote: ↑

Thu Apr 30, 2020 12:30 pm

First let me say how much we enjoy your posts, we have watched you and Juli from the beginning and felt the emotions she has had and how you and Brian have adapted. Most enjoyable, so thanks.
Did you consider having Brian move in with you during quaranteen? As you have all been well, it would have been a good test of how things could work with a definite end point if it all went pear shaped. Juli could have been the central character and the one with control, she could decide who is where and for what.

Hi Mainik....Thank you much for your message.
Actually I would very much be amenable to Brian living with us during this time, just as you suggest. And I know Brian would be very open to doing this as well.

However Juli has been and still remains more guarded than Brian or I, so she would not approve of such an intense uptick in the relationship that having her lover living with us would bring. And although Brian and I as typical men, would consider a live-in lover to be a very erotic experience, Juli is probably right in her thinking. The reason this 3-way relationship has worked so well for 4 years, is because we have kept our respective relationships somewhat separate and thus viable.

So rather than upset the delicate balance that we have so far somehow achieved, I know we will continue to keep the meetings between Juli and Brian limited. I will say that they have been able to meet fairly regularly even during this time. Private intimate meetings between physically well sex partners is so akin to a husband and wife being together, that we have seen little to no change in our relationship with Brian.

But to your point....I agree it would be nice to have Brian live with us for a while...but I don't expect that we will actually cross that particular line.

Best,

Mark

Many thanks for your response, Im sure I speak for all when I say this personal touch is much appreciated. You have always kept us up to date.

Hi Mark, any updates with you and the gorgeous Juli?

submissivehusband wrote: ↑

Fri Jun 05, 2020 6:27 am

Hi Mark, any updates with you and the gorgeous Juli?

Hi....nothing really new....Juli continues to meet with Brian once each week at his place. They are pretty much ensconced in an "intimate friend" relationship with each other. They have now been in a sexual relationship for over 5 years, so there is no longer any attempt at pretending (mainly on Juli's part) that it's just a mercy sex situation. Juli and Brian love each other as sexually intimate friends, and they truly have their own relationship within our broader marriage relationship. And all three of us have embraced this reality...even Juli who at first was very hesitant to admit that she could love another man as intimately as she loves me.

Brian and I each have our own dynamic with Juli. I of course am her husband with all the mutual experiences and blessings that come with in a long-term marriage to each other. Brian is her lover, boyfriend, sex partner...all of the descriptors you can probably think of to attribute to such a relationship that a single man can have with a married woman.

Because of the differences in our physical stamina, Brian actually is "engaged" in sexual intercourse with Juli more each week than I am. And because I have a private tendency to find cuckoldry to be a sexual arousal, I can honestly say that I am happy to admit that Brian is Juli's primary sex partner.

So to answer your question....All is well and so far we maintain a wonderful balance in this three-way relationship.

Mark

That is happy news. It's very sexy to contemplate your relationship. Thanks for sharing it with us.

I just came upon this post. Being in a poly relationship, I am interested in what the outcome was 6 years later. Based on all the comments, and being a cuckold, I would have asked my wife if she ever thought about having sex with your friend and listened to her response. It might surprise you. My wife new for years from our sharing bedtime stories and fantasies that I was really into cuckolding and she was turned on by it and started having sex with a good friend of mine while I watched. This progressed throughout our life to where in we now have had a 7 year poly relationship with a younger friend of ours. It is an amazing experience and one I hope the person who started this thread got to realize in his own marriage.

Thank you for your comments manotick...

I am the husband who began this post over 5 years ago, and it truly has been a positive experience for me, my wife and our friend.
So I can attest that such a poly relationship between 3 people can work and work well for all.
I can't say it's for everyone, but given certain dynamics it can be a very good experience.

I do think, just as you said...that for a husband, having at least some affinity for being a cuckold is very helpful, maybe even necessary for a wife-sharing relationship to continue long term. But it certainly has it's rewards.

Mark

Congratulations Mark!! I am happy it worked out for you? What turned the corner for you? At one time you were agonizing about whether to bring up the sexual topic with your wife.

Cheers

Cal

manotick wrote: ↑

Sat Jul 11, 2020 3:42 am

Congratulations Mark!! I am happy it worked out for you? What turned the corner for you? At one time you were agonizing about whether to bring up the sexual topic with your wife.

Cheers

Cal

Hi Cal...
Originally my wife was naturally hesitant to have sex with another man, especially a social friend...but she had been a shared wife in her first marriage when she was young, so the thought of doing it again was not a totally foreign concept for her. So I think that was key to get the poly relationship started. I think most wives probably would find the idea of being sexually shared as abhorrent.

And then after we did begin the sexual relationship between my wife and our friend, it took time (actually about 3 years) for her to be comfortable enough to openly admit that she not only enjoyed the sex with him, but was developing an emotional bond. One that naturally occurs between a man and woman (or any two people) who share sexual intimacy especially on a regular and long term basis.

So now it has evolved into a very open and comfortable poly relationship for all three of us, and my wife is no longer hesitant to admit that she loves our friend (of course a different type of love that she has for me as her long-term husband, but true, emotional and sexual love nonetheless).

So all of those factors were necessary for us to be where we are now. I think especially time. It just takes a lot of patience to let such a deep, emotionally bonding experience to happen between 3 people, and it has to happen at its own pace, and not be rushed.

Mark

That is a wonderful ending to a very romantic story. Is he living with you now? If so, how do you handle the sleeping arrangements?

manotick wrote: ↑

Mon Jul 13, 2020 3:50 am

That is a wonderful ending to a very romantic story. Is he living with you now? If so, how do you handle the sleeping arrangements?

Actually no he lives in his own house about an hour from us. My wife meets with him at his place one afternoon per week, and we have recently discussed expanding their meetings to twice a week. Brian is still single and willingly monogamous with Juli, so my efforts to convince her that as a man, Brian needs more sexual intimacy than once a week. For the first time my wife is now open to the idea of being with Brian more often.

Brian has been in our bed with Juli a couple of times, last was almost a year ago now I think. I was in the house but not in the bedroom with them, so they got to have their private time together in bed.

But the vast majority of their meetings take place in Brian's home, and I do not attend. So they are able to have time alone together as a couple.
Not only to have time for their sexual intimacy in his bed, but also time together outside the bedroom. I think this is where the emotional bonding has really taken place for them to be living together as a couple for an afternoon. So after 5 years, they truly are more like a married couple having not only a sexual relationship, but also a relationship outside the bedroom as well. It's developed into a deeper relationship than they would have had if it had remained purely a brief sexual liaison each time.

Mark

Many on this site would say you are living 'the dream'.....and I'm one of them.

Thank you for continuing to share updates of your journey.

I think the discussions around more meetings are a great step for her. Since you started, (been here since the beggining!), Juli has confirmed she enjoys the sex and so its a natural progression to more afternoons in a week. As you say, Brian needs that as a sexually active man. I like the arrasngement idea, its always decided in advance, not spur of the minute. I am sure Juli enjoys knowing that on Xday afternoon she is going to have a hot session with Brian, the anticipation must be enjoyable for her to look forward to it.
I guess its one day going to progress to Juli saying she might just pop round to Brian when she feels she needs sex, not just when Brian has asked for the arrangement. Do you think Juli and Brian have become more adventurous as time has progressed? Are you getting more details? I know you are respectful of their privacy, i just wondered if Juli has changed in the way she has sex with you?

Its been a great journey, I love that shy Juli has progressed to confirming, sex with Brian is good.

(edited for spelling!)

malnik wrote: ↑

Tue Jul 14, 2020 7:02 am

I think the discussions around more meetings are a great step for her. Since you started, (been here since the beggining!), Juli has confirmed she enjoys the sex and so its a natural progression to more afternoons in a week. As you say, Brian needs that as a sexually active man. I like the arrangement idea, its always decided in advance, not spur of the minute. I am sure Juli enjoys knowing that on Xday afternoon she is going to have a hot session with Brian, the anticipation must be enjoyable for her to look forward to it.
I guess its one day going to progress to Juli saying she might just pop round to Brian when she feels she needs sex, not just when Brian has asked for the arrangement. Do you think Juli and Brian have become more adventurous as time has progressed? Are you getting more details? I know you are respectful of their privacy, i just wondered if Juli has changed in the way she has sex with you?

Its been a great journey, I love that shy Juli has progressed to confirming, sex with Brian is good.

(edited for spelling!)

Thanks Malnik....You ask some very good questions. Ones I don't recall addressing before.

Firstly, you perceptively noticed that Juli truly is both shy and at the same time has always been open to enjoying her sexuality. Her past experiences with being a shared wife was more in her first marriage, and since then she has tried to be more "traditional" with her sex life. The obvious change in that trend was when she finally agreed to provide mercy sex one night for our divorced friend. This was in February, 2015.

Since then there has been a long, steady evolution in Juli's attitude and willingness to admit that she enjoys having a sexual relationship with a man outside of her marriage. But the patience of myself and especially of Brian has paid major dividends for all three of us frankly. And there have been many adjustments for all of us to overcome.

Personally, while I was the one who initiated this process to convince my wife to sleep with another man, there came a point...I believe in 2018, where I for the first time, saw my wife admit to me that she "loved Brian as an intimate friend", and I had the sudden realization that we had crossed the point of no return with this three-way relationship. At that point, the numerous sexual encounters that they had had with each other, had now permanently altered the relationship, not only between Juli and Brian, but I knew that I now Brian and I shared more than my wife's body, I was sharing her emotional bond, her love with him too.

I admit that was a bit difficult to absorb. But I did fairly quickly not only accept it, but have embraced it as a very positive reality.

To your other question, I still do not ask for details of their sex life as a couple. I feel that not knowing, and not invading their personal relationship, truly adds to the erotic nature of seeing my wife have such an intimate (sexually and emotionally) relationship with another man.

Please let me know of any other questions.

Mark

This is an intelligent discussion. One additional question: looking forward, Will Brian be satisfied with his secondary relationship with your wife?
Is he interested in dating other women and possibly finding a relationship similar to the intense relationship you share with Juli?
Might he want at some point to find someone to share his life more fully, and possibly even marry? Or have these questions ever been discussed among the three of you?
Thanks in advance for your response. And congratulations to you, Juli and Brian for your mature and positive attitudes and ability to navigate a complex but obviously satisfying three-way relationship.

pasadena95 wrote: ↑

Tue Jul 14, 2020 7:01 pm

This is an intelligent discussion. One additional question: looking forward, Will Brian be satisfied with his secondary relationship with your wife?
Is he interested in dating other women and possibly finding a relationship similar to the intense relationship you share with Juli?
Might he want at some point to find someone to share his life more fully, and possibly even marry? Or have these questions ever been discussed among the three of you?
Thanks in advance for your response. And congratulations to you, Juli and Brian for your mature and positive attitudes and ability to navigate a complex but obviously satisfying three-way relationship.

Pasadena95 thank you. This too is an excellent question, and one that is a reality for any such 3-way relationship. So each couple /lover will have a different set of circumstances that affect their long-term relationship, so I can tell you about ours.

Juli, Brian and I are all in our early 60s, and our marriage is very long-term. So I have never felt one iota of concern that our marriage will be interrupted by having a 3rd person in such an emotionally and sexually intimate role with us. Juli has said the same, and yes we did have this discussion with Brian. He has expressed, and I believe his sincerity, that he has no eye toward being with Juli as a husband replacing me. As it is now, he does have his own very "husband-like" relationship with Juli. It is limited in time and scope, but when they are together, Brian does enjoy all of the obvious pleasures with Juli that are typically reserved for a husband. But the other 90% of the time, Juli and I share much more than our time in bed, and have a lifetime of deep relationships, children, grandchildren, friends, mutual interests etc.

So while Brian gets to enjoy Juli (for a limited time each week) as a husband would enjoy his wife...he (Brian) has chosen at least for now, to accept his unlimited access to Juli in the limited time that he has to be with her each week. (hope that makes sense).

Yes it is possible, and perhaps probable that one day Brian may find a woman to marry and have his own full relationship with her. Likely that would end the current "co-husband" relationship that he now has with us. But currently that does not appear on the immediate horizon, and if / when it ever does, I know that both Brian and Juli will go through some very painful, emotional withdrawals, perhaps akin to losing a mate. And I too will suffer in that situation, because I admit that I love Brian as most male friends can never experience. Sharing the same woman with him in such an intimate way as bred a very unique friendship.

But having said all that...It also is quite possible, maybe even probable, and our 3-way relationship with Brian will continue uninterrupted indefinitely.

Mark

Hope you are all doing well.

gotta say.. it appears youre comfortable and secure in your skin and relationship.. reminds me of a cary grant movie.".the grass is always greener".. vwry genteel. curious..hiw gas your friendship with your bud come along? are tou comfortable talking to him about qifey and sex?

cthubby wrote: ↑

Sun Oct 18, 2020 10:50 am

gotta say.. it appears youre comfortable and secure in your skin and relationship.. reminds me of a cary grant movie.".the grass is always greener".. vwry genteel. curious..hiw gas your friendship with your bud come along? are tou comfortable talking to him about qifey and sex?

Yes, our relationship with our friend is now well into its 5th year, so we all three are very comfortable with our respective roles, which for us guys obviously revolves around my wife.

He and I are friends but actually do not see each other too often anymore. Now he and my wife meet once a week, but I am not typically in the house when they have their intimacy. So he and I really have never talked in any specifics about what goes on between them in the bedroom.

Mark

Hi Mark, With your amazing three way relation between you, Juli and Brian, have you noticed any changes to these dynamics since the start of the Pandemic? Does Juli share anything about hers and Brian's relations (i.e., sex or otherwise)? I believe there are still some of us who live vicariously through the life we feel you live.

Thanks again for sharing your story with us!